Why would God tell us to just forgive our enemies and love the people who hurt us? Why doesn’t God want us to have the satisfaction of taking our revenge? Doesn’t he know how satisfying it is when justice is served?
All truth is God’s truth. I heard somebody say that once, and what they meant is that things that are objectively true must point to God, because God is the source of truth. The idea is that anything that is objectively true serves to point to God and glorify him.
For example, my least favorite subject growing up was always math, but as I’ve grown older I’ve grown to appreciate that somebody didn’t just invent calculus, they discovered mathematical principles that are objectively true. And mathematical principles exist because God is a God of order. Math is the key to unlocking the laws of physics and understanding how God holds creation together. Truth (whether calculus or some other demonstrable truth) serves not to undermine the Christian faith but to give us additional insight into how God works, ultimately bringing glory to him.
Keeping the sentiment in mind that all truth is God’s truth, there’s a phrase I’ve heard which does not originate with Scripture, but which holds true when one considers the idea of forgiveness. I am unsure where exactly the quote originated, I’ve heard it credited to people ranging from Nelson Mandela to the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, to Buddha.
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
As is true virtually everywhere else in Scripture, when Jesus commands us to forgive those who hurt us, he does so not because he is a buzz kill, but rather because he knows that letting go of our anger will ultimately lead to our health and wellbeing.
God’s way of living is always better.
We see this truth played out across the board. God commands us to live faithfully inside of his design for marriage because he knows that his plan for marriage offers stability and health while polygamy only leads to jealousy and conflict. God warns often about drunkenness because you make poor decisions when you’re under the influence of some mind-altering substance, and those decisions have tangible consequences that complicate life.
God desires the best for us, which is why whenever he offers commands or advice, it is always with our ultimate health and wellbeing in mind.
Consider what Paul says:
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:9-21 ESV
Did you catch the wisdom in Paul’s advice here?
One of the major hang ups that I admittedly have sometimes with forgiving people who I don’t feel deserve it is that there can be a sense that if I don’t hold onto my resentment, no justice is done. It can be tempting to feel like we need to carry out justice because nobody else seems to be doing it.
The problem with taking vengeance into our own hands is that we are finite and limited creatures. We are incapable of knowing all the variables that go into somebody having wronged us. In order to cast perfect judgement, we would need access to all the relevant data.
As it sits, on this side of heaven, we are woefully ill-equipped to judge. That burden is not one that we were created to carry. And in my experience, “letting somebody have it” never really makes you feel better. If anything, you feel worse.
I see this reflected in my children.
Let’s say for the sake of argument that my son broke my daughter’s toy. He accidentally breaks her toy, and she responds in anger by hitting him. Both cry, and after both have settled down the question I ask her is “do you feel better having hit your brother?”
The answer thus far has never been yes. The response I get instead is a teary shake of the head, and a look of guilt and shame.
After establishing that lashing out didn’t make the offended child feel better, I go on to explain that rather than hitting their sibling, they need to trust that I, as the parent and adult, can handle the consequences and punishment (if punishment is needed).
Jesus doesn’t tell us to forgive unconditionally because he wants to deprive us of satisfaction; he does it because he knows that hanging on to anger and carrying it around with us is a burden and will sap the joy out of our life. The two proverbial wrongs really don’t make a right.
Being angry is exhausting, and Jesus knows that we were never meant to carry the weight of our hurt and disappointment around with us. Retaliation results in guilt, not satisfaction.
That’s why Jesus tells us to forgive. Because it sets us free. Hanging on to resentment and unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
When we really understand this basic truth the result is that we are set free from the burden of carrying past grievances around with us. Not only can we be free from the burden of unforgiveness, but we are assured that regardless of what it may look like on this side of heaven, God sees everything and is very capable of punishing the wicked and carrying out justice. “Vengeance is mine, I will repay” says the Lord.
Even when it feels like nobody else in the world sees the injustice or cares that it happens, we are assured that God sees it. He frees us from the burden of taking that responsibility on ourselves because he sees it too. In fact, he sees it better and more perfectly than we do.
Letting God be God, trusting that he sees our hurt even when nobody else does, allows us to truly live into the joy and peace that God promises in our lives.
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